


Soup Won't Fix This

by Rooster_Waltz



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, F/F, Gen, M/M, My First Fanfic, Some Humor, Sterns wants lasers, liberties with characterization, minor proposed injury mention but it's super chill, my canon now, not a sick fic, y'all mrs.pearson never talked once ain't that whack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:21:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21627508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rooster_Waltz/pseuds/Rooster_Waltz
Summary: After picking Agent Stern up from the airport, Barclay notices a strange illness and some revelations are made. Barclay drops a call. Dani is dethroned. Mrs. Pearson puts some people on blast.Post canon-AU for funsies exploring a possible consequence of some actions
Relationships: Barclay/Agent Stern (The Adventure Zone), Dani/Aubrey Little, all the friendship - Relationship
Comments: 10
Kudos: 76





	1. Country Roads Take Me Home

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by some spaghetti Keyboardclicks and I were throwing around.

It had started innocently enough.

Barclay drove slowly as he scanned through the meager crowd at the airport at the pick-up spot. Suit, suit, suit, why are there so many people in suits today?, police officer - keep an eye on them - another suit, aaaand there! His suit waving tiredly.

When had Barclay pulled up to the curb, he saw why it had taken a moment to find Stern: normally his boyfriend was prompt and center at the curb, scanning at eagerly as him for Barclay's car, but today, he had chosen to sit behind the crowd on a bench. 

(His boyfriend. Barclay's mouth twisted up in a wry smile and he scrunched his nose slightly. The humor of Bigfoot ( _ he's not Bigfoot, he happens to resemble the already existing legend _ , Barclay droned) dating an FBI agent had faded somewhat but man did he know how to pick them. He made a lot of bad choices over the years but Barclay's smile softened as he thought of Stern's… well, honestly it could have been anything. You could say Barclay was smitten.)

The back door opened and a bag was tossed into the backseat before Agent Joseph Stern, the dude himself, sat down in the passenger's seat. "Hello Barclay."

"Hello- _ oh, are you okay? _ " Barclay had gone to do the awkward hug over the middle console but instead hovered his hands around Stern's pallid face. Stern leaned his head in one of Barclay's hands with a tired smile and rested his hand over Barclay's larger hand. Barclay took the opportunity to use his other hand to check Stern's forehead, "Are you sick?"

Stern hummed with his eyes closed, "I'm afraid I'm feeling a bit jet lagged from this trip, dear." His forehead didn't feel hot, Barclay noted, he just looked exhausted. That checked out though: this hadn't been Stern's first plane trip away from the lodge since the Apocalwasn't but it had been the longest. Normally, he had been needed to run up to the capital every now and then for a weekend, but this trip had been a week-and-a-half for a conference of some kind ( _ it's classified _ , Stern had said teasingly then). Barclay brushed a small bit of hair that had come out of place on Stern's forehead while the agent sighed peacefully. 

A car horn made Barclay jump (Stern seemed to be dozing off already) and remember, right, right Airport pick up, He's going, calm down. 

While waiting for the Light to change at the intersection, Barclay absentmindedly tugged at the leather cord of his necklace. Stern had leaned his seat back with his eyes closed, but Barclay knew he hadn't fallen asleep yet. "If you're not feeling well, we could just stop for tonight instead of driving for another hour or so." He pulled on the cord to reveal the orange gem hanging on it. "I've got this so I'm good for a while till we get back to Amnesty". The light changed and Barclay turned his attention back to the road. "Going once."

The response took only a moment, "Let's just head home." Barclay went ahead and turned to the road back to Kepler. While he did that, he glanced at Stern's face. The man still had his eyes closed and had barely moved save for a peaceful smile on his face, "It's funny but I'm already started to feel better just being near you."

The drive was quiet as Stern dozed off shortly after that but Barclay felt lighter than he had in weeks. He turned on the radio to a soft country station, making sure it didn't bother his passenger. But still Stern slept peacefully so Barclay drove on through the night to the soft guitar chords.

(Oh yes. This was one of his favorite bad ideas.)

* * *

The lodge was a ghost town when the two had returned. That is to say, no one was around, not that Moira and Deputy Dewey had corralled as many ghosts as they could into the lodge's lobby (No, that was last Saturday) That wasn't surprising to see as Stern's flight had been a late one, and the drive back only made the night longer.

In all honesty, even with Aubrey, Dani, and a few of the other residents having returned to Sylvain via Minerva's portals (the two chess werewolves had never been comfortable on earth nor with the pineguard and went back as soon as possible), the lodge had not been feeling empty. As of late, the lodge had an abundance of visitors, some daily, now that the truth was out. They had been privy to a couple Hornet Hangouts (or the Kepler Stunt Club as they went back to. Many still had hornets on their jackets but Barclay had noticed an increasing amount of seal patches) though Hollis and Keith came by the most just to pick up Duck’s-but-now-Hollis’s cat Sissel who would find her way over. Even Mrs. Pearson had been coming to have lunch with Barclay and to take a dip in the springs. Speaking of,

"Did you know Kirby's been coming around pretty often asking to do live drawings of us?" Stern raised an eyebrow at this statement in a silent  _ oh? _ "Yeah, he keeps sneaking it in casually while going to the hot springs. He’s here like once a week even with running the Cryptonomica. Says he wants to make some more realistic art now that he has the source.” 

“Does that mean I can look forward to a large oil painting of Bigfoot soon?” Stern looked over at a bare space of wall as if already imaging the portrait there.

“I’m shocked you don’t already have one.” 

They laughed but even with Stern feeling better a bit better, he was still pretty out of it. 

“I know it’s late but do you want me to make you anything? Some soup could do wonders,” Barclay offered.

Stern toyed with his cufflinks as he did whenever he felt sheepish, even though the sight of him in a suit was becoming rarer and rarer since his more permanent residency. “Yes, ah, that would be appreciated but if you don’t mind I was kind of hoping to go to the hot springs myself.” He rushed to explain himself at Barclay’s snort. “I swear I’ve been dreaming about them! I spent an hour in the jacuzzi at my hotel hoping it would help but I still felt horrible.” 

That caught Barclay’s attention, “Wait, hold on, how long have you been feeling sick?”

“Well, I assume it was a mix of the change in temperatures and the flight but about half a week now? It only started a few days ago though around - it’s past midnight so it’s Thursday now, right? - then Sunday?” Stern looked sluggish as he thought it over. 

That was worrisome. Barclay gave Stern a gentle shove towards the hot springs. “Okay yeah, go ahead and wash up. I’ll get started on the soup in the meantime, just don’t fall asleep in there. It’s late.” After getting confirmation that no, as comfortable as the water was he wasn’t going to knock out, Stern wandered off while Barclay went to the kitchen to get cracking.

Even with the late hour and the comfort of the familiarity of the kitchen, Barclay was wide awake running through what illness Stern might have. Human medicine differed a bit from Sylphs and tossing Stern into the hot spring wasn’t going to fix whatever ailed him. He had the most experience with Mama getting sick but she was more resilient than most full humans he knew and she tended to take care of herself more. Barclay tossed some rice in the soup. Rice helped stomachs right? Aubrey got a cold when the snow first started falling and she insisted her jean vest and magic would keep her warm enough but that was more red runny nose and sneezing. She and Ned both had gone to the hospital from injuries fighting bom boms, uh, abominations, but, again, both were different from what Joseph seemed to have? 

Barclay stirred the soup as it simmered. If he was being honest, it just seemed to be doggone tiredness. He recognized it in his own face after a long night, Duck’s after a long shift or, hell, even in Jake and Dani’s faces when they hadn’t been in the hot-

The phone started ringing.

Barclay turned the heat off and hurried over to catch it before it stopped ringing or someone else woke up to answer it. There was usually only one person who called in the middle of the night and it was rarely good news. He caught it on the third ring and answered, “What’s wrong Indrid?”

“Oh hey Barclay.” The familiar voice was lower and rougher-sounding. “Indrid’s in Sylvain right now, remember?” Right, this was-

“Leo?”

“Ay there you go. Anyway, speaking of Indrid,” Barclay closed his eyes and leaned his head back to the ceiling. Of course. “He told me to go ahead and call you now when you figured it out.”

Barclay paused for a moment. “...Figured what out?”

There was a shuffling on the other line, like Leo was digging around looking for something, “Damn, it’s too late for this.” Barclay was distracted by a movement from the hallway. Stern waved, looking confused but like he’d never been sick at all? He was mouthing something something about maybe not needing the soup? “Yeah, uh, Indrid gives weird instructions, he, uh, went ahead ‘n wrote like, god, five different times ta call ya? This was the first, maybe I shoulda called in-”

Barclay looked between Stern looking much more alert and Leo talking on the phone befor, the events of the last hours suddenly shifted into a confusing focus. Being gone, the exhaustion, feeling immediately better after the springs? But he’s a human? And what about in the car-?

\- The final piece slid into place as Barclay looked down at where his necklace rested in his shirt and dropped the phone.

“ **_Oh shit_ ** .” 

  
  
  
  


The receiver down by his feet said, “There you go. Yeah, Indrid’s got no clue either.”


	2. Chicanery in Chicane Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “But isn’t he human?! I mean, we didn’t end his story arc finding out he was a sylph all along did we? Babe, Agent Stern wasn’t a sylph right? Cause wouldn’t that be fucked up if he was and he joined the FBI to betray the rest- no? Okay. We figured out one thing?”
> 
> Dani nodded along with her girlfriend. “We solved one mystery. Let’s count that one.”

“I’m sorry  _ what!? _ ” Aubrey’s voice cracked.

The Sylphs of Chicane did not try to hide their gawking at their resident god? God vassal? Waved her arms in a decidedly not godly but very Aubrey fashion. It was a bright and shining morning and a few familiar faces had reconvened in the square by the burgeoning inn. Even with the portals and more approval of humans passing over, the number of humans in Sylvain could be counted on one paw of the guardsman keeping the peace this morning, and the two causing the ruckus only encouraged rubberneckers to further turn their heads.

Arlo Thacker, Aubrey Little, Dr. Harris Bonkers PHD and Dani had taken up the bench outside of the inn Thacker and his friend had checked into for the small foreseeable future dealing with… this. Dani glanced around guiltily. Normally she would give the two space to talk and hang out with Thacker’s friend since she wasn’t ready to face Aubrey yet but Dani really wanted to hear what was going on. Ignoring all the Sylphs turning away where she looked, Dani saw her peeking out from around a building and gave a friendly wave that was returned with a quick nod before ducking back behind. With that resolved, she turned back to the quabble. Dr. Harris Bonkers PHD looked to where she had been before snuffling something to Aubrey and bounding off after Thacker’s friend. 

“What part are you not getting?” Thacker’s voice was pretty rough. He had been on an extended trip out in the wilderness and hadn’t felt the need to talk a lot so he was quickly wearing out from this conversation. “Apparently, some weird shit’s going on back home with some of the human residents. Old Jojo, that agent guy? He went without the hot spring for a week and got the same hunger the Sylphs get from not being near an energy source.”   
  
“But isn’t he human?! I mean, we didn’t end his story arc finding out he was a sylph all along did we?” Aubrey looked to Dani for confirmation after Thacker’s shrug. “Babe, Agent Stern wasn’t a sylph right? Cause wouldn’t that be fucked up if he was and he joined the FBI to betray the rest- no? Okay. We figured out one thing?”

Dani nodded along with her girlfriend. “We solved one mystery. Let’s count that one.” She turned back to Thacker to gently steer the conversation back on track for now. “Hey, you said ‘some of the human residents’, can you ask Mama are there other humans living at Amnesty? Is this affecting all of them or just Stern?” Dani’s eyes widened when she realized, “Oh, oh shit, is Mama affected? Is Mama alright?” She leaned forward and raised her voice towards Thacker, “Hey Mama are you okay! Do you need us to come back!” 

“Dani, that’s not how this-” Thacker paused as he made a face and stared into the distance. “Okay, Maddie says she’s in hell - not cause she’s in trouble!” This was directed at the girl’s twin gasps and looks of shock. “Cause Stern and Barclay are doing the same thing and trying to talk through her to you guys. ” Thacker ignored what they said for a moment. “Also the snowboard kid’s there. Oh, nice I like that kid. He says hi. How’s he doing?” He asked out loud but also in his head.

“WAIT Thacker does Mama have magic powers?” Aubrey’s eyes were shining. 

“Is the hot springs enough of the light to make Mama a ghost when she dies?” Thacker and Aubrey stopped their tangents to look at Dani’s excited face. 

The three looked away and cleared their throats. Right. Anyway.

“Yeah, is it the springs causing… all of this?” Thacker paused to communicate Aubrey’s question, including her vague waving.

Dani covered her mouth and continued looking off before asking, “But wouldn’t Mama have shown weird signs before this if it was the only cause?”

“Yeah, one second, Maddie’s giving me all the information they have so far.” Thacker continued making a strange face while talking to Mama silently. Dani and Aubrey watched as he suddenly started pantomiming a conversation. Hold a hand up, wait, point somewhere else, shake his head no, point somewhere else, wait. “Oh dammit, three way calls are the worst.”

Aubrey started getting antsy so Dani initiated a game of hot hands while Thacker did his thing. Dani was unbeatable and Aubrey was competitive so it was a good distraction that could go on for hours. They had been playing for a very long two rounds (Dani immediately got Aubrey and they had stalled on Aubrey catching Dani) when Thacker suddenly shouted and startled Dani. Aubrey smacked her hands and did a victory cheer while Dani rubbed the back of her stinging hands and turned back to Thacker.

“Okay, my pal jumped in to give her two cents and we have a working theory but I’ll tell you what she said after.” Aubrey noticed Dani and apologized, offering to heal her hand ( _ No, Aubrey you just smacked me I’m fine _ ) and settled for holding her hand comfortingly. “No they don’t have any new human tenants, just the couple of Sylphs that have come over through the portal. They found out last night and had to wait till the morning for everyone to be awake and they’ve been checking all the people who’ve started to come to the lodge regularly. So far all they have for sure is Stern, Mama” ( _ DOES MAMA HAVE POWERS? _ and  _ I would also like to know,  _ interrupted him), “Mrs. Pearson and… Duck’s cat.”

Thacker gave the girls a moment to digest that information and covered his ears from the explosion.

**“I’m sorry** **_what_ ** _!? _ ” Aubrey’s voice cracked as the fruit cart behind her caught fire.


	3. aubrey said it's my turn with the powers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Now the magic powers, _ I did notice.  _ But I figured that was just a byproduct of the world almost ending and no one else’s business but mine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guess what I figured out? You can put notes here. Whack (also thank y'all for readin' n commentin' y'all are nice :DD I ain't sure if the proper protocol here is to thank every comment or reply but I hella appreciate you!!)

The crowd of people in Amnesty Lodge stared down at the cat standing up on her hind paws.

“I don’t like like that,” Keith said from his seat on the couch. He directed his next statement to the person on his right. “I know you said Sissel was acting fuckin’ weird but you didn’t say she was doing… this??” Hollis shrugged and patted their lap. Sissel attempted to walk over on two before switching back to four feet and jumping up onto Hollis, purring. 

“Now, I don’t mean to split hairs but cats can stand on their back feet like that. What I was referring to was Sissel understanding me perfectly and opening locks.” Hollis held Sissel’s face. “You won’t be going and selling me out to the cops will you?” Sissel meowed. “Good.”

Barclay had been unable to contact Duck and Minerva so far and Kirby hadn’t had a chance to come over from running the Cryptonomica yet. However, after learning Mrs. Pearson had some strange things happening to her, Jake came in with his report from his group - none of the Hornets had any fatigue or powers but Hollis and Keith were on their way with Duck’s cat Sissel that Hollis adopted before Duck left for Brazil.

Now they had converged in the Lodge’s lobby and some pieces were falling together.

“I didn’t realize the hot springs were powering me back up.” Mrs. Pearson looked hawk-eyed around the room. “Barclay had suggested I use it when I complained about my back one day about a couple of months ago so I’ve been going whenever I felt sluggish.” Barclay remembered that conversation. He had thought nothing of it then seeing as Mrs. Pearson confided that she had some pains when they had been living together. It was only after Aubrey and Barclay moved back to the lodge that the injury was aggravating her more. “Now the magic powers, _ I did notice _ . But I figured that was just a byproduct of the world almost ending and no one else’s business but mine.” (Barclay quietly thanked that Mrs. Pearson was a firm believer of staying in her own lane after retirement and did not question when he turned into his Sylph form once in her apartment other than a, “Can you put some clothes on?”)

“And your powers are like Sophie,” Keith said nodding.

Hollis jumped in before the ex-police chief could question him. “He means that you just tell things to do stuff and it does. Sophie’s a book character who does that.” They met everyone’s stares evenly, “We read.”

“I usually talk to myself so imagine my surprise when I told a cup to stay where it was and it stayed floating there even when I shifted the table over. I knew Ms. Little upstairs asked magic to do things - none of y’all are slick, Bigfoot,” she added towards Barclay, “-so I figured it was the same principle.”

“And you just fuckin’ realized you could do magic and  _ didn’t do anything? _ ” Keith looked incredulous.

Mrs. Pearson stared him down. “I tell my coffee to stay hot until I finish it. What else do I need? I don’t have much need for magic at my age.”

Stern turned and stared towards the kitchen longingly. Barclay patted his knee - they hadn’t been able to figure out if Stern had any magical powers out of anything they tried so far (which honestly was just Stern asking out loud to shoot lasers from his eyes amongst others. Barclay’s experience with magic was none and Stern didn’t have the Force either so they were stumped). Barclay went ahead and moved the conversation on.

“So just from that we can figure out Aubrey’s the reason behind this. After that whole ….” Everyone looked around uncomfortably save for Hollis and Mrs. Pearson who didn’t flinch. Barclay searched for the best way to reference it. “... After Mt. Kepler fell, Aubrey and the group of us moved into Duck’s apartment building-”

The door opened suddenly and Kirby came rushing in shoving some keys into his bag. “Hey y’all, I barely got a break what’s-?” Kirby looked up to see Sissel standing on two legs again on Hollis’s lap to see him over the couch. “Oh, I don’t like like that.”

“Fuck yeah!” Keith grinned and gestured Kirby over. He scooted over and told the person on his left, “Jake move over, Kirb come sit at the cool kids’ couch.”

“Wait really? Ha! And dad said I’d always be a loser.” Kirby froze as he realized what he said in front of a crowd of people. Keith covered his snort while Hollis slowly raised their hand for a high-five.

Mama stepped in to save Kirby’s face as he went to sit with the “Cool Kids who Disappointed their Fathers” couch (“ _ Ow fuck Kirby you shocked me. _ ” “ _ Wait Jake, you’ve disappointed your dad right? _ ” “ _ I mean I got exiled from my planet so I guess? _ ” “ _ Well damn, Keith, Jake might be too cool to sit with us. _ ”). “Alright, like Barclay was sayin’, Aubrey’s little bunny Bonkers” -”Dr Harris Bonkers, PHD,” several voices at once droned - “yes, Dr. PHD, started turning into a Sylph because he was ‘in the light of Sylvain’ cause Aubrey ended up housing a god.” (“ _ WAIT WHAT _ .” “ _ Hey Kirby dude, I’ll catch you up on that in a mo, okay? Tight. _ ”) “We only knew that cause his was the most dramatic change but she’d been living with y’all in that itty bitty apartment so it stands that’s how y’all started getting these powers.”

Stern cleared his throat. “Yes, as,” only the briefest of pauses this time, “Mama says, Dr. Harris Bonkers, PHD was in Aubrey’s presence the most so he transformed more. Since Aubrey was staying in Duck’s apartment, next she was around Sissel more and Mrs. Pearson a little less. So you two are probably the ones affected most by this, unless Ranger Newton and Ranger Minerva answer soon. Mr. Tarkesian has had Mr. Cold’s necklace while he’s in Sylvain so if there’s any negative effects he is unable to tell, along with the fact that the powers Mr. Tarkesian has from his connection with Ranger Minerva making it difficult to tell if he has gained any other superhuman powers.” Stern turned to the office phone currently on speaker, “Mr. Tarkesian have you contacted the other Chosen?”

(Mama muttered, “ _ I don’t mind payin’ the bills but does the government cover this one. _ ”)

“Yeah, uh, I’ve been talkin’ ta Sarah, er Dr. Drake, and she hasn’t noticed anything new. I don’t think she got, ‘bathed in the light’ as much as the rest of us ‘cause she hasn’t said she’s been feelin’ any unexplained pains or, uh, needed ta go to the springs, y’know?” 

Stern nodded, “Thank you. Now, Mr. -” Stern paused as Kirby shook his head, “Mr. Kirby, have you noticed anything since we’ve spoken that fits what we’ve been saying?”

Kirby glanced between the occupants of the “Cool Kids who Disappointed their Fathers” couch. “I mean, now that this has all been spelled out I’m realizin’ I haven’t been havin’ a bad hair day for the last month.” Kirby reached up and pulled off his ubiquitous beanie.

“Oh dang, his hair’s doing the Ghibli thing!” Jake sat forward to check out Kirby’s hair which was puffing out like there was too much static in the air. A flash of insight flickered across Hollis’s face as they rubbed their hands where Kirby had shocked them. After a quick confirmation from Kirby, Jake waved his hand through his hair. “This is so cool!”

“Okay, you can, uh, stop Jake.” Kirby took the opportunity to slip his beanie back on. “My hair’s been doing that all the time now and I might be able to charge my phone?” (“ _ FUCK NO HOLLIS, KIRBY IS TOO COOL FOR US TOO _ .”) “It hasn’t died for about a month even though I keep forgetting to plug it in. And I’ve always been pretty handy with, uh, y’know electronics but they just seem to work for me now?” Kirby grinned slightly, “I actually made a few bucks the other day fixin’ some of Dave’s dehumidifiers down at the depot.”

Stern’s fingers twitched towards his phone in his pocket. Barclay threaded their fingers together. Stern definitely did not have those powers. He thought of the instant coffee they had to drink for a week after Stern somehow broke the coffee pot. Or how Stern kept two portable batteries for his electronics in his car. 

“I would like something clarified.” Mrs. Pearson fixed her piercing gaze onto Mama. “Madeline, I was under the impression that someone had said something to the effect of you being affected by this light as well. You were being held by the FBI for the duration of Aubrey’s stay. Agent Stern, you had limited contact with Ms. Little as well. I know she has returned a few times since the end of the world from that place, but only for a few hours at a time. Is that enough to cause magic powers?” 

“It must be because we’re in this mess.” Mama looked off for a moment. Barclay knew she was talking to Thacker for a moment. “Aubrey said she got her full powers before they took care of the Quell, so maybe we just got hit by an extra powerful burst of light? That or the repeated smaller exposures was enough. Listen, Stern almost keeled over and I have my thing going on, there’s no point arguing semantics.” 

“Your thing? Mama do you have” Jake wiggled his fingers, “Magic?”

“Wood.”

“Wood?”   
  
“Maybe trees ‘n shit? I had one of the statues I was working on start falling over on me. I caught it and pushed it off even though it was large enough to crush me. I chalked it up to adrenaline but I went and double checked this morning and it’s like picking up a bag of grapes. And no, it’s just wood, I can’t pick up the couch y’all are sitting on.” Jake slumped back down after looking very excited for a moment. “Also, Thacker ‘n I were talking and maybe I have some communication powers like him. I’m not sure if that’s Aubrey’s fault though. I might just be getting some radiation from our chats.”

“Okay wait.” Kirby looked up from being deep in thought. “We all have powers because of Aubrey right? Does that mean we’re all warlocks and she’s our patron or something?”

Everyone glanced around wondering what that meant, while Agent Stern and Keith met eyes willing the other to take one for the team and answer. After what felt like an eternity, Agent Stern sighed, “Not exactly? We might have these powers if we live longer than her since that’s how it’s worked with the Sylphs on Sylvain so far.”

Keith kicked his legs out onto the coffee table in front of him for a moment before a quick glare from Mama had him quickly lowering them. “So wait, you’re telling me if we hung out with Aubrey more, we could have had magical powers?!”

“You can’t get powers or at least some more character development unless you interact with other people more.” Hollis looked pass everyone like they were talking to someone not in the room with them like Mama had been. “What did you have anyway?” They directed that last question to Agent Stern.

“Ah, well, we haven’t figured it out yet.” Though he wasn’t wearing a suit now, he toyed with the sleeve of his sweatshirt where his cufflinks would be. “In any case, now that we know this more solidly, it’s in everyone’s best interests to visit the hot springs weekly and to be careful not to use their powers wrong. Hollis, if you ever travel for one of your stunts, I’d recommend either leaving Sissel with us at the lodge, or if Jake is going with you, we’ll lend him Barclay’s necklace and Sissel can charge up with him. If anyone is planning an extended trip, please talk to us and we’ll work something out.”

There was a silence as Stern walked out of the room. Barclay was torn between following him or helping wrap up in here. He made eye contact with Mama; with a nod from her, he said a quick goodbye before catching up with Stern.

Kirby wasn’t too bothered learning he had magical powers, but the responsibility of powers unsettled him. He was barely figuring out how to run a business but now he might have to do crime fighting? He wiggled his fingers hearing the slight crackling noise it generated, “So now what? What are we supposed to do with this? Do we become crime fighters? Is there a way to learn more about our powers, like a magical correspondence course?” He directed that last question towards Mama but got a few answers.

“A magical correspondence course is 100% a scam”

“Thacker says Aubrey wandered off to get lunch but we can find out if that’s a thing.”

“We have enough groups looking out for Kepler, son.” Mrs. Pearson finished her tea and stood, cracking her neck. “I know what I’m doing. I might as well take a dip while I’m here since I have to make the trip out here more regularly. Stay out of trouble y’all.”

Mama got up to join Mrs. Pearson, “I’ll join ya Agatha.” The two left towards the hot springs shooting the breeze about powers.

Hollis stood up carrying Sissel, “How do you feel about learning how to skateboard tricks?” Sissel meowed. Jake immediately jumped and started throwing out ideas for cat helmets and knee pads (“Viral stars have to promote safety!”) while Sissel hissed lightly. Keith asked Kirby if he wanted to try if his powers worked on motorcycles and try souping up his ride.

And life went on.

* * *

  
Barclay found Stern very easily. He had just walked into the kitchen (which really only had the two entrances) to find Stern waving his hand above a glass of water. Stern had jumped hearing someone come in, only to relax seeing Barclay. Barclay sat down quietly at the counter while Stern tried a few more vague hand gestures before giving up. 

“We can add “Not a water bender” to the list,” Barclay hummed as he pulled a piece of paper off the fridge and wrote that down on the growing list of “Powers Stern does not Have”, before an idea popped in his head.

“Maybe you have healing powers? Aubrey could do that.” There was a moment of the two men doing a quick inventory of any current injuries they had before deducing that unfortunately since the almost end of the world, their lives had gotten much safer and they did not even have a minor scratch between the two of them. Barclay gestured to the rack of knives, “Hell, do you feel like stabbing me? That’d solve that problem real quick.”

Stern pretended to contemplate it for a moment before sitting on the counter next to Barclay, “No, I’m good on letting that power be a mystery for now.” He considered Barclay’s bracelet for a moment, “As fun as this is, I almost wish I could have UP help me figure this out, though that might include some unethical testing.” He nudged Barclay, “Is this how you felt knowing your secret might get out?”

Barclay snorted and shoved Stern, “Yeah, it was the exact same thing. Got it in one. Down to the excitement about running into the government’s arms.” Barclay went ahead and hugged Stern as he opened his mouth to joke about it being his arms.

They sat in companionable silence for a minute before Stern wiggled free, got down and offered his hand to Barclay

“Alright, let’s figure this out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy! Thanks for reading you! I'mma just put some extra info here about this so you can super skip this is ya want.
> 
> Logically this should be like Avatar and not everyone is a bender but this is for funsies and I want everyone ta have powers. Also 'cause it's super funny to me to have 13th hour magic powers and everyone doesn't really have a pressing need to use them now. 
> 
> I tried tying the powers to like how Aubrey has and they bleed through with everyone having a certain specialty:  
> -Mrs. Pearson is the strongest after Sissel, she has variations of heat and wind powers. She's super controlled so they don't manifest without her acknowledging them most of the time.  
> -Kirby has zappy powers and a predisposition to man-made objects.  
> -Mama and Stern are tied in low powered, but Mama is more self-augment powers with a predisposition to natural stuff (Leah n I really wanted super strength Mama but I was readin' through the spellslinger thingy and tried figuring out some fun work arounds).  
> -Stern. We hadn't decided but I like the thought of Stern having Aubrey's third eye and, again y'know, not having any thing to use it on was comedic as heck (also who knows maybe he joins Leo on a trek sometime).

**Author's Note:**

> Sup y'all I've never written a fanfic before and suddenly went: Alright. This is already done so I'll post the other chapters over the next day or so.
> 
> (Also help I don't know how to write romance, did any of that sound stilted? Or any of it really ya dude's new.)


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